A Gen Z Twitch Streamer Retires
I don’t mean to sound based, but I hope this post is a certified banger. Recently a bunch of clout goblins have been reminding me about my lack of rizz. While this seems like copium, I keep finding myself maulding over the sentiment that I might just be adulting. Even my fan channels have been mask off with their thumbnails saying I need to “Hold This L.”
I just want to remind everyone: I’M STILL DOWN BAD.
You can OMEGALUL all you want, but it’s not the “own” you think it is. I’m tired of being accused of drama farming in my Twitch community. Not only is it bad faith, but the emotional toll has landed me in my permadrunk era. It’s incredibly sadge to spam “PepeLa” when I’m clearly going through it on my IRL dive bar streams.
Trolls have gone joker mode calling me a “PUA Red Pill Andy” that’s simping for a tradwife. Not only am I catching strays for this, but it’s more of a self-report on the brain broken incel right-wing groypers and crypto-fascist grifters that can’t help but jebait me. The constant memeing of “It’s Broke Boy O’Clock” when I log into Discord is also sus. Not to mention LSF thinks it’s poggers to pop off anytime I’m eating on stream. Listen, I’m getting my back blown out by Skyrim 14 hours a day. What am I supposed to do, starve?!
A continuous need to run defense on my channel has left me no choice:
I have decided to retire from the world of react content.
Years of endless doom scrolling and clip chimping out of context has finally delivered me an extremely rare W. You can say it’s cringe all you want, but I’m going full send on quitting. Debate Lords are going to come in here and accuse me of fumbling the bag because of my fall out with “Spider Gum” on the “Flaccid Peach”’ stream. May I remind you, we were arguing about the ethics of “Mr. Creature’s” video “I Gave 1 Million Dollars to a Vegan Resort” when his mods blatantly began stream sniping me. Check the VoD for yourself. But most importantly, stop crying about Spider’s pathetic Reddit Apology AMA you parasocial freaks! LET HIM COOK!
I don’t wanna break TOS and have to submit any more ban appeal requests, so I’ll just say this:
I’m excited about the fact that I’ll never have to react again. No more Nepo Baby tier lists, Crystal Mommy mukbangs, or Sigma Grindset Tik Tok compilations. Long gone are the days of saying “Alright everyone, we’re gonna read ‘Pumpkin Squash’s’ Twitlonger where she accuses ‘Def Tamagotchi’ of gaslighting her.” Being shadow-banned will no longer make me feel like a failson whose mission is to demonetize Zoomers from using the phrase “Go Off Queen!”
Alas, in retirement, I’m hoping to keep it a buck fifty with my family and German Shepherd Marsha. I plan to extend my Funko Pop collection to include a glow in the dark Boo Berry Chase and a holographic Darth Maul. Furthermore I’ll be watching the premiere of my goated documentary Fletch House on ZubiTV. My Austin-based chiptune band Ketwave is picking up steam, but even more significantly, I have begun rigorous training for “IBUSTZ’s” upcoming boxing contest Creator Dash.
I hereby change my chat to emote mode forever. It’s officially joever.
And last but not least, thank you “Pulverized Noodles” for the 50 gifted subs.
LFG!
- Dank Peanuts
